Please register for Total War Access to use the forums. If you're an existing user, your forum details will be merged with Total War Access if you register with the same email or username. For more information please read our FAQ’s here.
Aaw, my joke got deleted. What a dry victorian forum this turned out to be...
Let's make it cleaner than. Two Elf couples decided to switch partners for a day. After several hours of intense housekeeping, the one Elf asked the other "I wonder how the girls are doing". :P
A Skaven warlord walks into a DE magic shop and goes, "have you got any warpstone?" The elf replies, "No sorry, we sell only potions" The Skaven leaves the shop.
The next day the Skaven comes back to the shop. "have you got any warpstone?" The elf replies, "No sorry, we sell only potions" The Skaven leaves the shop again.
The next day the Skaven comes in again. "have you got any warpstone?" The elf grabs the Skaven. "Look. ive told you before. We sell potions, not warpstone. If you ask for warpstone once more I'll spear your tail to the wall!" The Skaven leaves, looking sheepish.
the next day the skaven returns. "have you got any spears?" The elf replies, "no sorry, we sell only potions" The Skaven grins and says, "In that case, can I have some warpstone?"
"Fear me for I am Grey Seer Thanqol, Greatest TWW player in all of Skavendom."
Team Skaven
Which team are you? Post in your signature
Team EmpireTeam BretonniaTeam Kislev Team Dwarf Team Chaos DwarfTeam High Elves
Team Dark ElvesTeam Wood ElvesTeam Warriors of ChaosTeam Daemons of Chaos
Team BeastmenTeam Vampire Counts Team Tomb KingsTeam Orcs and Goblins
Team Ogre KingdomsTeam LizardmenTeam Skaven
Tacitus Quotes:
Auferre, trucidare, rapere, falsis nominibus imperium; atque, ubi solitudinem faciunt, pacem appellant.
They plunder, they slaughter, and they steal: this they falsely name Empire, and where they make a wasteland, they call it peace.
Corruptissima re publica plurimae leges.
The more numerous the laws, the more corrupt the government.
I found Rome a city of filth covered marble and left it a pile of rubble. - Me
CHARLOTTEB_CAAdministratorRegistered Users, Moderators, CA Staff Mods, CA StaffPosts: 3,224
Couldn't resist jumping in here!
my personal Fav!
"You know you've been playing WFB too long when you call every kitchen utensil a choppa"
Formal disclaimer: any views or opinions expressed here are those of the poster and do not necessarily represent the views or opinions of The Creative Assembly or SEGA.
A drunk Halfling once said i looked like Elvis, to him i said.
"Thanquol, Thanquol very much"
"Fear me for I am Grey Seer Thanqol, Greatest TWW player in all of Skavendom."
Team Skaven
Which team are you? Post in your signature
Team EmpireTeam BretonniaTeam Kislev Team Dwarf Team Chaos DwarfTeam High Elves
Team Dark ElvesTeam Wood ElvesTeam Warriors of ChaosTeam Daemons of Chaos
Team BeastmenTeam Vampire Counts Team Tomb KingsTeam Orcs and Goblins
Team Ogre KingdomsTeam LizardmenTeam Skaven
Standing at the bar having a quiet pint at night In walks an orc spoiling for a fight He looks at me and says don't bother getting up Another grudge to go in the book an overflowing cup
I says "Ah but, I am already standing up, you dork." He laughs at me and says "Do you have speech problems, I am but an orc." Grinding teeth my beard sweeping the floor He looks at me again and says "Oh, do you want some more."
Swinging his axe he shouts "You'll meet the "Choppa!" With orcish sarcasm I say "it is but made from Coppa" Snarling and drooling he steps forward axe swinging I side step, and with a big dwarfen boot in it a goes a winning (mwhaha) With a grunt and a groan this orc fell with a moan Just one more grudge avenged in our dwarfen tome.
"Surrender and serve me in life, or die and slave for me in death." - Vlad von Carstein
Born to go into harm's way, come all! Ye hell or high waters be damned! No lightning, no thunder nor hurricane gale can stand in the face of his wrath.
Be he beneath his enemy's feet or by cloud where their gaze can not go, when Leviathan rise, every last man shall shake to the core of his soul.
Tacitus Quotes:
Auferre, trucidare, rapere, falsis nominibus imperium; atque, ubi solitudinem faciunt, pacem appellant.
They plunder, they slaughter, and they steal: this they falsely name Empire, and where they make a wasteland, they call it peace.
Corruptissima re publica plurimae leges.
The more numerous the laws, the more corrupt the government.
I found Rome a city of filth covered marble and left it a pile of rubble. - Me
They're gonna need it for all of the monogod glory. Which will be the "4 distinct gods representing the different aspects of Chaos such as Khorne, Slaanesh, Tzeentch, and Nurgle." ^CA quote
When a Goblin Fanatic goes through your own unit of Boyz...
Orkward...
"I'm gonna stomp 'em to dust. I'm gonna grind their bones. I'm gonna burn down dere towns and cities. I'm gonna pile 'em up inna big fire and roast 'em. I'm gonna bash heads, break faces, and jump up and down on the bits that are left.
Born to go into harm's way, come all! Ye hell or high waters be damned! No lightning, no thunder nor hurricane gale can stand in the face of his wrath.
Be he beneath his enemy's feet or by cloud where their gaze can not go, when Leviathan rise, every last man shall shake to the core of his soul.
I wanted to do this for the photoshop thread, but missed the deadline. Then I did it anyways.
Born to go into harm's way, come all! Ye hell or high waters be damned! No lightning, no thunder nor hurricane gale can stand in the face of his wrath.
Be he beneath his enemy's feet or by cloud where their gaze can not go, when Leviathan rise, every last man shall shake to the core of his soul.
Formal disclaimer: any views or opinions expressed here are those of the poster and do not necessarily represent the views or opinions of The Creative Assembly or SEGA.
Comments
Give your Kids Khorneflakes, so they will stop to nurgle.
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
1 · 1LikeOne. But there is a 1 in 6 chance that it will explode.
How many dwarves does it take to change a light bulb?
None. If that lightbulb was good enough for my grandfather it is good enough for ME!!
I stoles this from another thread on another forum so I'm doing the right thing and leaving a link as to credit it
http://www.bugmansbrewery.com/topic/4789-warhammer-jokes/
For some TW lets play's or my prediction and information videos on TW: Warhammer 2 - visit my youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEWi55_w4pBFCy06QGTdOBw[url]
Twitch : [/url]https://www.twitch.tv/blood_claw[url][/url]
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
0 · LikeLet's make it cleaner than. Two Elf couples decided to switch partners for a day. After several hours of intense housekeeping, the one Elf asked the other "I wonder how the girls are doing". :P
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
1 · 1Like- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
0 · Like"have you got any warpstone?"
The elf replies,
"No sorry, we sell only potions"
The Skaven leaves the shop.
The next day the Skaven comes back to the shop.
"have you got any warpstone?"
The elf replies,
"No sorry, we sell only potions"
The Skaven leaves the shop again.
The next day the Skaven comes in again.
"have you got any warpstone?"
The elf grabs the Skaven.
"Look. ive told you before. We sell potions, not warpstone. If you ask for warpstone once more I'll spear your tail to the wall!"
The Skaven leaves, looking sheepish.
the next day the skaven returns.
"have you got any spears?"
The elf replies,
"no sorry, we sell only potions"
The Skaven grins and says,
"In that case, can I have some warpstone?"
From
http://z4.invisionfree.com/thedarkfour/ar/t29.htm
Team Vampire Counts
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
2 · 2LikeTeam Skaven
Which team are you? Post in your signature
Team Empire Team Bretonnia Team Kislev Team Dwarf Team Chaos Dwarf Team High Elves
Team Dark Elves Team Wood Elves Team Warriors of Chaos Team Daemons of Chaos
Team Beastmen Team Vampire Counts Team Tomb Kings Team Orcs and Goblins
Team Ogre Kingdoms Team Lizardmen Team Skaven
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
2 · 2LikeAuferre, trucidare, rapere, falsis nominibus imperium; atque, ubi solitudinem faciunt, pacem appellant.
They plunder, they slaughter, and they steal: this they falsely name Empire, and where they make a wasteland, they call it peace.
Corruptissima re publica plurimae leges.
The more numerous the laws, the more corrupt the government.
I found Rome a city of filth covered marble and left it a pile of rubble. - Me
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
0 · Like- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
1 · 1Likemy personal Fav!
"You know you've been playing WFB too long when you call every kitchen utensil a choppa"
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
1 · 1Like- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
3 · 3Like"Thanquol, Thanquol very much"
Team Skaven
Which team are you? Post in your signature
Team Empire Team Bretonnia Team Kislev Team Dwarf Team Chaos Dwarf Team High Elves
Team Dark Elves Team Wood Elves Team Warriors of Chaos Team Daemons of Chaos
Team Beastmen Team Vampire Counts Team Tomb Kings Team Orcs and Goblins
Team Ogre Kingdoms Team Lizardmen Team Skaven
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
1 · 1LikeStanding at the bar having a quiet pint at night
In walks an orc spoiling for a fight
He looks at me and says don't bother getting up
Another grudge to go in the book an overflowing cup
I says "Ah but, I am already standing up, you dork."
He laughs at me and says "Do you have speech problems, I am but an orc."
Grinding teeth my beard sweeping the floor
He looks at me again and says "Oh, do you want some more."
Swinging his axe he shouts "You'll meet the "Choppa!"
With orcish sarcasm I say "it is but made from Coppa"
Snarling and drooling he steps forward axe swinging
I side step, and with a big dwarfen boot in it a goes a winning (mwhaha)
With a grunt and a groan this orc fell with a moan
Just one more grudge avenged in our dwarfen tome.
"Surrender and serve me in life, or die and slave for me in death." - Vlad von Carstein
My steam workshop Warhammer II mods
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
0 · Like- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
0 · LikeNah the thread is not ridiculous its funny, but things like this make it more funny.
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
1 · 1LikeBe he beneath his enemy's feet or by cloud where their gaze can not go, when Leviathan rise, every last man shall shake to the core of his soul.
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
1 · 1Like- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
4 · 4LikeAuferre, trucidare, rapere, falsis nominibus imperium; atque, ubi solitudinem faciunt, pacem appellant.
They plunder, they slaughter, and they steal: this they falsely name Empire, and where they make a wasteland, they call it peace.
Corruptissima re publica plurimae leges.
The more numerous the laws, the more corrupt the government.
I found Rome a city of filth covered marble and left it a pile of rubble. - Me
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
2 · 2LikeKhorne flakes has to be my fav though lol
They're gonna need it for all of the monogod glory.
Which will be the "4 distinct gods representing the different aspects of Chaos such as Khorne, Slaanesh, Tzeentch, and Nurgle."
Thank you CA for seeing them as what they truly are.
Let the Games Begin!
https://warhammerfantasy.fandom.com/wiki/The_Great_Game
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
0 · LikeOrkward...
An' den I'm gonna get really mean."
Grimgor Ironhide, Black Orc Warboss.
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
1 · 1Like- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
0 · LikeBe he beneath his enemy's feet or by cloud where their gaze can not go, when Leviathan rise, every last man shall shake to the core of his soul.
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
1 · 1Likehttp://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/598617
Edit - just noticed this isn't the YouTube video, a little nsfw
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
0 · LikeBe he beneath his enemy's feet or by cloud where their gaze can not go, when Leviathan rise, every last man shall shake to the core of his soul.
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
1 · 1Like- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
0 · LikeOverbearing knight = My king, "And then my king of course came by and told me to scrub his chamberpot again..."
Faith-based initiative = Knightly charge
Sticks and stones = trebuchet
Moral support = peasant longbowmen
Big dog = commanding yeoman warden, "And big dog there lead the patrol, which of course meant a hard march."
Emigration = errantry war, "Yeah, so he sent an emigration south, I tell you, that won't end well..."
Ice queen = Damsel, "Of course she didn't look at me twice, you know what ice queens are like."
Nutters = Grail pilgrims
Rally point = battle standard bearer
Dirtmen = peasants
Eu de dirt= the distinct smell of a peasant
The horny = beastmen
Wannabes = mounted yeomen
The saint = the chef
Our lady = priestess of shallaya
- Spam
- Abuse
- Report
0 · Like