Sartosa Free Company PITCH MEETING

Thedossboss

Well you asked for it (just kidding, I just got bored again), so here is the sartosa free company pitch meeting. A lot of people seemed to like my other 2 so hope you enjoy this one

Disclaimer: this was an attempt of comedy using the Screen Rant Pitch Meeting's module. It helps to read it in the voice, or not, I just thought about it at the top of my head so could be stale af for all I know.
It is long. It is a script, and scripts for 3-6 minute videos are long
The opinions and stances in this script are for comedy purposes only, and may not reflect my own


Marketting Team (MT): so I hear you have created a new unit for the upcoming dlc.

Lead designer (D): yes sir I have, this is going to be a great addition to the roster. Remember when we told you about the Sartosa Free Company units we were going to give to Aranessa Saltspite?

MT: oh so you've finally made them? You've avoided telling me about them since you first ran the idea past me three weeks ago

LD: no I haven't

MT: I'm pretty sure you have

LD: well I say I haven't because avoiding implies that you have been asking me or wanting to know. If I recall, all you have been asking me about is if I have put enough barnacles on a model we copied over from the vampire's roster.

MT: fair enough, barnacles are TIGHT. So I guess you finished the Sartosa Company units long ago?

LD: no, I forgot

MT: wait, what

LD: yeah see I was so busy with the barnacles and Cylostra's hair that I forgot about the Free Company units all together

MT: that seems unprofessional and disorganised

LD: yes it does, but it's fine now because I had my team create the unit this morning, and even though we were rushed to make it in time for your team's livestream later this afternoon...

MT: in twenty minutes

LD: yeah, we still think people are going to love it

MT: I couldn't help but notice that you are referring to the Sartosa company as a singular unit now, when you told us several weeks ago you were designing the 'Sartosa Free Company units'. We put it in Saltspite's blog page and everything

LD: well we ran out of time, so now it's only one unit

MT: are you sure people are going to be fine with that

LD: definitely. It's not like they are going to notice some minor grammatic detail, so we shouldn't expect any backlash about that

MT: I guess you're right, so tell me about this unit

LD: sure thing. First off, what's the first weapon you think of when I say 'human pirates'

MT: boarding axes

LD: oh my god you are right

MT: wait really? I always thought it was a really niche belief

LD: not at all. Nothing screams pirate like a small two handed axe

MT: I know right. No one seemed to understand that whenever I layed it out for them

LD: well that's their ignorant loss then. Warhammer fans will appreciate true pirate lore

MT: yes they will, though wouldn't it be hard to make a completely new unit with a new weapon and animations. Especially since it would have been a lot easier to just re-skin the free company militia and replace their hats with bandana and pirate hat assets you had originally made for the zombies? I mean, it would have been really difficult with the new animations alone

LD: actually it was super easy, barely an inconvenience

MT: oh really?

LD: yeah we just re-skinned the greatswords and replaced their swords with the axes

MT: and it doesn't look unnatural at all for a pirate to stand upright and proudly hold a small boarding axe with both hands as if they are professional elite axemen?

LD: well I don't think it does so therefore it doesn't

MT: can't argue with that, I'm just glad someone else actually appreciates the use of boarding axes by pirates so as long as they are in the game I am happy

LD: that's great to hear sir

MT: it is. I think people are going to enjoy this unit just like I would, and will definitely be so caught up on hype that they wouldn't notice any minor potential problems with the unit

LD: I couldn't agree more


let me know if you want more, I'll probably do them anyways. Also let me know if you want me to stop, and I will respectfully tell you to ♥♥♥♥ off I do what I like

RikRiorik#9890

Just one Little thing. The boarding axes are anything but small. They is some big backsided mofos.

Lord_Kamion

Quality. Can we get a Lokhir one

Thedossboss

RikRiorik said:

Just one Little thing. The boarding axes are anything but small. They is some big backsided mofos.

Yeah but the ones in the game are tiny af

RikRiorik#9890

Thedossboss said:

RikRiorik said:

Just one Little thing. The boarding axes are anything but small. They is some big backsided mofos.

Yeah but the ones in the game are tiny af

Unless there has been a change they most definitely are not. Is there something wrong with my eye sight or summit?
EDIT. To clarify I mean in comparison to what a real life world boarding axe looks like.

#bizarroworld

Thedossboss

RikRiorik said:

Thedossboss said:

RikRiorik said:

Just one Little thing. The boarding axes are anything but small. They is some big backsided mofos.

Yeah but the ones in the game are tiny af

Unless there has been a change they most definitely are not. Is there something wrong with my eye sight or summit?

#bizarroworld

The blade is only slightly larger than their wielder's head. That is small

Thedossboss

But either way, this post was made to be funny, and shouldn't be taken too seriously

RikRiorik#9890

Thedossboss said:

But either way, this post was made to be funny, and shouldn't be taken too seriously

Oh I still found it funny. I was actually just thinking you could add something about the large arsed axe heads to it. But sometimes one fails to properly convey one's thoughts .

Ol_Nessie#9894

I was mulling over a Queen and the Crone pitch meeting earlier and I think you're gonna love it.



Game Director: So I hear you have a new Lord Pack for me, mind telling me about it?

New Content Team Lead: Yes sir I do, and I think you're going to love it

GD: Awesome, after seeing that blank Lizardmen FLC Lord spot for so long I can't wait to see what's in store for for the Lizardmen and Skaven Lord Pack

L: Actually we decided to do High Elves and Dark Elves instead

GD: Oh really? Well I guess that's smart, that way each race of the base game will have gotten a new lord after this

L: The FLC Lord is also a High Elf

GD: So we don't have anything new for the Lizardmen?

L: Not a thing

GD: Well that's ok, we can give them a Lord alongside the next campaign pack

L: That one's going to be a Dark Elf

GD: So absolutely nothing for the Lizardmen until their own Lord Pack? Which will be more than a year after they launched? Completely untouched since day 1?

L: Yup

GD: Do you think the fans might complain?

L: No, we'll just bombard them with so many new updates that we hope they don't notice

GD: That's smart. So back to the Lord Pack, who are we going to feature?

L: Crone Hellebron and Queen Alarielle

GD: I like it. Two badass women going head to head

L: Oh yea, we really leaned into the female theme on this one

GD: How so?

L: We included Sisters of Slaugter, Sisters of Avelorn, Supreme Sorceress, Handmaidens

GD: Oooh, a new hero instead of a lord, I like it. But shouldn't the High Elves also get a lord level caster? They are like, THE magic race after all

L: Well we thought about it, but we really wanted to drive home the female theme

GD: Well couldn't you have just made the Archmage a woman? Like we did for the HE hero Mage?

L: We did not think of that

GD: Fair enough, how many other units did you include?

L: One more for each. Doomfire Warlocks and Shadow Warriors

GD: That's it?

L: Yea, why did we miss something?

GD: ...

L: ...

GD: ... No, that should be good. Shame though that we can't release Alith Anar as the FLC lord though

L: That's exactly what we're gonna do

GD: Oh really? It's just that if Shadow Warriors are locked behind a paywall, it would defeat the purpose of having Alith Anar as a FLC since you can't have them as a starting unit as there'd be no guarantee that the player owned the Lord Pack, can you?

L: Oh yea, super easy, barely an inconvenience

GD: Oh really?

L: Yea yea yea, we'll just invent a new unit based on the Shadow Warrior champion from TT and make it FLC so Alith Anar can have them as a starting unit

GD: Ooo a loophole, loopholes are TIGHT. Now you mentioned updates, any news there?

L: There sure is, we're finally reintroducing Norsca to Mortal Empires

GD: Sweet, so you've got everything lined up so there'll be no hiccups?

L: (scratching back of head while avoiding eye contact) yea yea yea

GD: Good enough for me. What else do you have in store?

L: Ooo ok, now think of the race that is most in need of an overhaul

GD: Oh gee there's so many, Empire, Warriors of Chaos, Greenskins, Beast...

L: Yes, Dwarfs exactly!

GD: Oh, well ok. How did you do that?

L: We gave the Slayers a two handed weapon, we copied and pasted the Tomb Kings Mortuary Cult mechanic, and we moved Ungrim Ironfist to Karak Kadrin

GD: That's it? Won't players think that's pretty low-effort?

L: I don't know

GD: Fair enough. Now looking down the road, we need to quickly turn around and release another FLC for the "Skulls for the Skull throne" promotion. Do you have anything in mind?

L: I sure do, we're going to release the Bone Giant for the Tomb Kings

GD: Can we really call it FLC then if you can't use it unless you own the Tomb Kings DLC?

L: Probably not, but we thought it was funny since it's a Bone Giant and it's "Skulls for the Skull Throne." Get it?

GD: ...

L: Cause he's made of bones...

GD: ...

L: and a skull is a... a type of bone... and he's the Bone Giant...

GD: ...

L: ...

GD: ... Well I don't get the joke, but that is some ace marketing. Anything else we can package like that?

L: Oh yea super easy, barely an inconvenience

Draxynnic#3149

Thedossboss said:

RikRiorik said:

Thedossboss said:

RikRiorik said:

Just one Little thing. The boarding axes are anything but small. They is some big backsided mofos.

Yeah but the ones in the game are tiny af

Unless there has been a change they most definitely are not. Is there something wrong with my eye sight or summit?

#bizarroworld

The blade is only slightly larger than their wielder's head. That is small

...you've probably seen too many fantasy axes. 'Smaller than the wielder's head' isn't small by the standards of historical military axe blades. In fact, there's a good chance that anything bigger is ceremonial, like a bearing sword.

Thedossboss

@ben8vtedu excellent work as always. You're getting much better at it, had a good laugh

@Draxynnic why would I use anything other than fantasy to compare the axe size, it's a fantasy game, not a historical one. If this were historical then I would compare it differently, but this is not.

Just saying that those boarding axes are probably the smallest two handed axe in the game, and look kind of silly as an AP axe

Thedossboss

Green0 said:

sounds about right, I have no trouble believing this is 100% transposition of the meeting they had concerning living Sartosan pirates.

Would love to hear about Cylostra and Terrorgheist next.

I already made a cylostra one (search up Cylostra Direfin PITCH MEETING), and the terrorgheist is a running joke in all 3 since in the livestream the speakers highlighted the fact that now it has barnacles